For the first time ever I had a complete physical in late February. Oh, I had had the occasional mammogram, internal, all that women stuff through the years. But this was the complete one. They did blood work up the wazoo (I hate needles), and a bone density test. In early March I received a phone call on a Friday evening to come in and see the doc. It is never a good thing for the doctor's office to call on a Friday night at home. I made it in the following Tuesday and she told me there were three things which needed to be discussed.
First off was a diagnosis of osteoporosis of the spine. Second was that my thyroid was very low, and third was that my cholesterol was a tad high. Now, with my thyroid being low that would elevate the cholesterol. I have been on thyroid meds for 11 years and one of the reasons I wanted a complete physical was because I was not feeling well. I knew my thyroid needed to be checked. Because my cholesterol was a bit high I was told to lose weight. I am not fat by any means of the word, I am like every other middle aged woman approaching 60 with a bit extra around the middle. I was also told to quit smoking.
So, having all this info under my hat, I quit smoking within the week, started exercising (walking), and started researching info on osteoporosis. In June I was in Arizona, packing up our vacation home in prep for renovations. As I was bending over I experienced the most excruciating pain, worse than labor. It was two days before I made it into an urgent care clinic. I still had no idea what I had done to my back, I just knew I was in acute pain. The doctor told me it was a muscle spasm and put me on anti-inflammatory medication. The medication did absolutely nothing for the pain.
I returned home to Canada on the 27th of June, and on July 1st my husband took me to the hospital. They took and x-ray and informed me I had a vertebral compression fracture of the T8 vertebrae. It has been 1 1/2 months since the accident and the pain is still here, though not as acute. I was told to do nothing for three months and to expect pain for six months. I think what I fear the most is the fragile state my bones are in. If I broke one just by bending over, how little else will it take to break the next?
This is all unknown territory for me, and being unknown there is a whole lot of trepidation. I have to relearn my boundaries for just doing life. I have to learn to let others do for me what I have always been capable of doing myself. I have to allow God to heal without being angry at him. There, I said it, I am angry at him. Angry, frustrated, and scared. I sometimes feel he let me down. Just as my husband and I are venturing into a new season of our lives, this happens and we have to switch gears and rethink.
So Lord, help me with my lack of faith. Lead the way on this new path. May I find strength in you, as I release all of my fears into your hands.
Peace,
Diane
It has been quite a while since I have posted anything. Let's just say I have been an Israelite wandering around in the desert doing a whole lot of complaining. With my eyes perpetually focused downward, how on earth could I have possibly seen God at work. Now that I have my focus upward, maybe we can get on with this and I can share my journey in the desert. After all, I have been silent far too long!
In the last two years I have come to realize that I am not self-sufficient. I cannot do it all by myself. I'm not talking strictly the big questions and issues in life. I am talking about all the simple, ordinary, and mundane things of life as well. Where did I get off assuming I knew what was best for me, when scripture teaches me that it is God who has my life worked out and my job is to trust him with it. I know, I know, we all want to plan our own lives and we tend to want it to work out as we have planned it. Then God throws us a curve ball into the mix. He closes doors we had so hard and diligently worked to open. And we all know the saying, "When one door closes, God will always open another." The thing is, when exactly will he open the other? That would be the question of all questions for me! As you can guess, I am still waiting for the next door to open. All the while God has just kept throwing those curve balls into my playing field. I was never very good at ball, especially if I had to catch the thing.
So, you can find me still in the desert, but instead of complaining I am patiently waiting and taking each small oasis as I find it. I plod one foot in front of the other. I trust the voice I know to be God's which sometimes comes from unusual people, places, circumstances, or readings. I know he's not done with me yet. I know the calling he has placed on my life... even if it's not fully being used just yet, nor looking as I had once perceived... he is still at work.
Peace to you in the desert of life,
Diane
