Longing

Today I am longing. Longing for somewhere warm, sunshine on my face, and a fresh water pool to laze in. It's overcast here with a low grey cloud cover which is not helping the cold settling in my bones. I'm thankful though, that there are not many days like this. Most are with some sun, whether it be in the morning or the late afternoon, at least there is some.

This causes me to wonder whether those who live without Jesus live under low-hanging clouds. Does the lack of truth in their lives bring a sense of longing which cannot be quenched? I would think so, but more importantly, I hope so. Even I who has Christ as my Savior still longs for him. I think I will until I am standing before him in eternity. But my soul longs nonetheless in a place where the occasional oasis of life-giving water is far and few between.

Peace to all,
Diane

From the Masses to Silence

A beautiful day of sunshine and warmth brings everyone out of hibernation and into the world of commerce. I found myself this afternoon in amongst a throng of people, a throng so large at one point I was claustrophobic. I understood in part for a brief moment how Jesus must have felt with the masses clamoring after him. I understood the longing to 'be away' with my Father. Many hours later I had the opportunity to enter into silence, to come away, so that I could hear.

Silence is a precious gift, one which too often is taken for granted in our culture today. Noise and chaos has become the makeup of society, very much like rising and dressing for the day, so it is with noise...it has become a tangible necessity for most people. I on the other hand, do my best to live outside the realm of noise. I have found over the years that it is impossible for me to even function normally in a noisy or chaotic place. I need the silence to hear the voice of my Father, and also the voice of my inner spirit.

So, I venture into the least sought after world of quiet to reflect, to worship, and pray, but most importantly to sit in His presence and experience His all encompassing love and care. After a day like today...I need that. I pray that you too will enter into solitude. The place where the Spirit of Jesus can break through the cacophony of noise and going-ons surrounding your world, and taking hold of your spirit, draw you into His inner sanctuary.

Peace be with you,
Diane

The Faithfulness and Assurance of God

February 4, 2010 my husband Rick walked in the door from work carrying the mail he had picked up. He handed me a large manila envelope which looked as if it had seen better days. Two addresses were written on the front with one of them crossed out. One was addressed to a man in Polokwane, Africa while the other was addressed to me. The address for Africa had been crossed out. The envelope had been opened and as I looked inside I saw that the contents were my official transcripts from college along with one identity document. The envelope had originated from the CAO office of SA, but what alarmed me was there was one document missing which was very very important and could be detrimental to my identity if it fell into the wrong hands.

Needless to say I panicked, contacted someone in authority in SA and was very descriptive about identity theft and the damage it causes to lives. Long story short, after a weekend of total terror, a day of running around getting a new passport, creating an informational report with the RCMP, and sifting through all the various finger-pointing emails from SA, an email comes in today from the CEO of the CAO verifying that they have the missing document. Not only that, but she (the CEO) had recognized the handwriting of the office worker who had mis-sent the envelope to begin with.

God is good! First thing I did when this had happened was pray. I asked the Lord to protect my identity from any harm, that He would expose what was hidden in darkness and bring it into the light of his truth. I prayed and asked for His assurance, that he would give me peace in regards to this. Many others were praying right alongside of me. Scripture assures us of God's love and care. It assures us of His protective hand on our lives and everything which pertains to our lives. This little episode may not speak to you of His faithfulness or assurance, but it spoke to me loud and clear. He knows what He's doing! He asks us to bring "everything" before Him in prayer and then to keep the faith. Did I worry? Yes! Was I filled with anxiety at times? Yes! But I also knew God would sort it out...and He did!

Great is thy faithfulness, O Lord!
Peace to all,
Diane

Frosty Mornings

We live in the foothills of the Kananaskis, on the edge of the Rocky Mountains in southern Alberta, Canada. Beautiful country and amazing scenery, especially when you wake up and everything is frosty white. Trees are glistening with frost, ground, fences...a veritable winter wonderland. As pretty as it is to look at though, I can't say I would enjoy living with it like this forever. I'm too much of a sun worshiper.

I found myself questioning this morning if some parts of my heart were covered in frost, just like the world outside my windows. To be frank and truthful I'd have to say yes. Pretty on the outside, or what I allow people to view, yet corners of nasty cold areas which need an overhaul of love and healing. This came as a bit of a shock with the second shock wave on its heals...how long have I lived like this? Does this mean I'll be hauling away years of debris in order to expose the root of the issue. Most likely, but I'm not doing this alone. This is God's work with me in participation with it.

I can relate to King David from the Old Testament when he cried out in the Psalms, "How long, O Lord? How long?" It seems like I have been working on me my whole life, one layer after another. I guess though that the longer one lives the more layers of life one accumulates and thus the proverbial peeling of an onion. I have a mighty big onion because it doesn't seem to be any smaller than it was say a year ago. In fact it appears to have grown.

All of this causes me to reflect on this past year with a different set of eyes. The direction I thought I was going ended up being one road block after another. Sometimes God places those road blocks within our lives to catch our attention. Especially if we really hadn't been listening in the first place, or maybe we got side-tracked onto our own agenda and not on God's anymore. Could possibly also be a test. Good grief I hate tests...they are the bane of my existence! Saint Paul had a thorn in the flesh to remind him of God in his life. I have tests to remind me of who really is in control. You would think that I would learn after awhile, that I don't always have to drive the car...sometimes and most always God wants to drive the car.

It's a matter of control. People are generally creatures which like being in control of their own lives, their own business and love affairs, or whatever pertains to them. They want control of it, want to know where it's headed, how long it will be there, and what's it going to cost them. There is always a cost. Have you ever noticed that? The cost?

Jesus said the cost of following him was our very lives. Laying down the old self so that he can begin to form the new self. Laying down old habits, sins, fears, control issues. Laying down anger, hate, disobedience, laziness, cold hardheartedness...anything and everything which goes and stands against the perfect love of God. I know, I know, we could all say that we are not perfect. True, but it doesn't eliminate the need for transformation in our lives. In my life.

I guess when I think back I grew up in a fairly angry home. I grew up angry, discouraged, feeling worthless. I carried that on through my teen years, young adulthood, even until now. Here I am middle aged, fast approaching the greater senior years of my life and I am still humping around the same baggage. I think it's time to lose some of it.

And So the Quest Begins...

I have been on a quest to discover who I really am. I know the simple answer, the superficial ones such as name, birth date, and place. Yet it is the deep questions of my soul and spirit which I have been pondering. Who is Diane really? What makes her laugh, cry, or bubble over with joy? What drives her into depression or carries her up to the apex of mountains? Who am I in the eyes of God, aside from His child? What is His destiny for me? Am I living out His divine calling for my life?

Can anyone know for sure the answers to 'who am I'? I don't know. All I know is that the moment one quits asking is the moment numbness and death sets in. 

This journey is not something recently begun, it has been a lifetime already. Only it seems at this point and age of my life I need, desire, am hungering for more definitive answers. Something rock solid which cannot shift with blowing winds of time. My feet are already planted firmly in the rock of Jesus. I know I am saved and loved. Am I positive that I am going to heaven...I can only hope in eternal life. 

John Calvin once wrote, "The knowledge of ourselves not only arouses us to seek God, but also, as it were, leads us by the hand to find him." Probably, and most likely, much of this journey is in needing to know who God is in me in a much deeper and more profound means. I am tired of settling for solely the little. Is it wrong to want more? To long for an increasing knowing of God, who He is? No. For the Psalmist wrote, "As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God." Psalm 42.1

And so I begin this journey in earnest. Possibly there will be readers and co-joiners on this mission with me, and that's okay...even welcome.