Frosty Mornings

We live in the foothills of the Kananaskis, on the edge of the Rocky Mountains in southern Alberta, Canada. Beautiful country and amazing scenery, especially when you wake up and everything is frosty white. Trees are glistening with frost, ground, fences...a veritable winter wonderland. As pretty as it is to look at though, I can't say I would enjoy living with it like this forever. I'm too much of a sun worshiper.

I found myself questioning this morning if some parts of my heart were covered in frost, just like the world outside my windows. To be frank and truthful I'd have to say yes. Pretty on the outside, or what I allow people to view, yet corners of nasty cold areas which need an overhaul of love and healing. This came as a bit of a shock with the second shock wave on its heals...how long have I lived like this? Does this mean I'll be hauling away years of debris in order to expose the root of the issue. Most likely, but I'm not doing this alone. This is God's work with me in participation with it.

I can relate to King David from the Old Testament when he cried out in the Psalms, "How long, O Lord? How long?" It seems like I have been working on me my whole life, one layer after another. I guess though that the longer one lives the more layers of life one accumulates and thus the proverbial peeling of an onion. I have a mighty big onion because it doesn't seem to be any smaller than it was say a year ago. In fact it appears to have grown.

All of this causes me to reflect on this past year with a different set of eyes. The direction I thought I was going ended up being one road block after another. Sometimes God places those road blocks within our lives to catch our attention. Especially if we really hadn't been listening in the first place, or maybe we got side-tracked onto our own agenda and not on God's anymore. Could possibly also be a test. Good grief I hate tests...they are the bane of my existence! Saint Paul had a thorn in the flesh to remind him of God in his life. I have tests to remind me of who really is in control. You would think that I would learn after awhile, that I don't always have to drive the car...sometimes and most always God wants to drive the car.

It's a matter of control. People are generally creatures which like being in control of their own lives, their own business and love affairs, or whatever pertains to them. They want control of it, want to know where it's headed, how long it will be there, and what's it going to cost them. There is always a cost. Have you ever noticed that? The cost?

Jesus said the cost of following him was our very lives. Laying down the old self so that he can begin to form the new self. Laying down old habits, sins, fears, control issues. Laying down anger, hate, disobedience, laziness, cold hardheartedness...anything and everything which goes and stands against the perfect love of God. I know, I know, we could all say that we are not perfect. True, but it doesn't eliminate the need for transformation in our lives. In my life.

I guess when I think back I grew up in a fairly angry home. I grew up angry, discouraged, feeling worthless. I carried that on through my teen years, young adulthood, even until now. Here I am middle aged, fast approaching the greater senior years of my life and I am still humping around the same baggage. I think it's time to lose some of it.